Why Christian Men Don't Like Their Wives

Today I want to share with you some powerful insights about marriage and relationships. In a video I recently watched, a man spoke about his experiences. He noted that many men he sought advice from regarding marriage didn't actually like their wives. This comment struck a chord with me and sparked a reflection on the underlying causes of this phenomenon.

This blog contains thoughts and highlights from the above video. Watch the full video for more!

Men and the conditioning of Patriarchy He explained that patriarchy and culture conditions men to view women negatively. They are too emotional, they talk too much, etc. Men are taught to seek partners who will serve them, even if they don't genuinely like or enjoy their company. In the eyes of patriarchy, relationships are founded on control and obedience rather than mutual liking and attraction. This deeply ingrained mindset leads men to marry women who are submissive, obedient, and fulfill their prescribed roles. Unfortunately, this perspective perpetuates a toxic environment and creates unhealthy marriages.

The shallow standards of role-based relationships

As I listened to his words, I couldn't help but agree wholeheartedly. In many of the churches I attended, the focus was solely on finding a wife who possessed qualities like submissiveness and quietness, rather than emphasizing compatibility, friendship, and genuine liking. The idea of finding a soulmate, someone you actually love being around, seemed to be disregarded. Instead, the emphasis was placed on fulfilling assigned roles, all in the name of God. Duty = Love??

But is this truly what love and marriage are meant to be? Are we simply fulfilling duties and following legalistic rules? I find it disheartening to think that someone can fulfill their duty out of "love for God" and yet feel nothing for their partner. Love should encompass so much more than a sense of obligation. It should involve deep emotional connections, strong friendship, and genuine enjoyment of one another's presence. The destructive effects of legalistic roles

The culture of patriarchy, including soft complementarianism, creates numerous problems within the church community. Firstly, it damages individuals by imposing rigid roles and stifling their true selves. Additionally, it creates a divide between men and women, hindering them from forming healthy and meaningful relationships. From a young age, boys are taught that platonic friendships with girls are impossible, as they are seen as opportunities for temptation. This only reinforces harmful stereotypes about women and perpetuates the idea that men cannot control their thoughts and actions.

Prohibiting all outlets for passion causes further damage

Furthermore, the church's teachings often place the blame on women for men's actions, exaggerating female seductiveness and denying men and women the tools to manage their passions in a healthy way. The prohibition of masturbation, for instance, leaves individuals with no outlet for their natural desires, leading them to rush into marriages purely to satisfy their physical needs. This rush often results in marrying at a young age with little experience in dating or understanding what constitutes a healthy marriage beyond fulfilling prescribed roles. The freedom to love and be loved

It is clear that many churches have lost sight of the true meaning of love. Love is not a set of rules to follow, nor is it solely an act of obedience to God. Love is a heartfelt connection, a genuine affection for one another's quirks and personalities. I am fortunate to be married to an incredible man who truly loves me for who I am, not simply because I tick the boxes of a "godly woman." He appreciates my unique traits, supports my dreams, and brings joy and safety into my life. We are best friends, soulmates, and partners deeply in love. Our relationship thrives because it is based on freedom, not duty. The Song of Soloman and the importance of desire

When it comes to understanding love and desire, we shouldn't overlook the significance of the Song of Songs. This beautiful book of the Bible does an exceptional job of depicting the intensity of desire, strong feelings, and aching longing for one's beloved. It showcases the kind of passionate connection and emotional bond that goes beyond the physical. The Song of Solomon reminds us that love encompasses a deep longing to be with the one we adore, appreciating their unique qualities and finding joy in their presence. It portrays a kind of love that is heartfelt and genuine, one that goes beyond fulfilling assigned roles. This understanding challenges the shallow notion of relationships often propagated by patriarchal views and encourages us to seek a love that is authentic and fulfilling. Don't give up hope because the kind of romance many of us dream of is possible

I encourage you not to settle for anything less than a love that is passionate, caring, and genuine. Our childhood dreams of romance were almost shattered by false beliefs and toxic relationships. It's crucial to question what we have been taught about successful and loving relationships. Let us rethink what it means to love and be loved.

Until next time,

Laura from Divine Dissident

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